Murder and Matchmaking

Murder and Matchmaking
A novel mashup of Sherlock Holmes and Pride & Prejudice

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

My own Picture of Dorian Gray

Dear Reader

I fear that the day has come when I must confess a truth so chillingly shocking that it may turn your very blood to ice; it may make you shudder as though you had bitten into a frozen popsicle whose fierce coldness was far crueller than you’d anticipated when you first plunged your unsuspecting teeth into the icy treat. Too long has this weighed on my guilt-weary conscience and I must now unburden my terrible secret on those who dare to read on.

My reason for divulging this long-concealed secret is not some lurid desire to shock or entertain but an earnest desire to warn others of the dangers of wandering down the dark, but alas all too tempting, path to depravity. Think of it as a cautionary tale if you will, gentle reader. A sinister story about the journey into depths of degeneracy that may elucidate its audience as to the horrors that await those who would favour self-indulgence over moderation, decadence over prudence and reckless hedonism over modest self-restraint.

I realise that to outward appearances I seem to be an average kiwi woman but alas that is not so. Many years ago I made a dark pact and set upon a course that has regrettably led me to a gluttonous smorgasbord of debauchery and irredeemable vices. Like the infamous Dorian Gray, I also have a portrait upon whom the effects of my dissolute and sybaritic lifestyle are reflected whilst I remain unaltered by the visible ravages of my over-indulgence and craven acts of greed. It is this picture, which until this today I have kept hidden from all, that reveals the dark state of my inner most soul. Its deformities are so severe that it may appear almost inhuman and yet its haunting visage is the only true representation of my inner self.

Be warned, gentle reader, should you click on the link, you shall behold the monstrous features that you shall not soon forget. You shall see for yourself the appalling consequences of a corrupt lifestyle like mine…

Behold the horror!

8 comments:

Giffy said...

Curse you! Now I am hungry for COOOOKIE!

Jenni said...

Terrifying! I am duly humbled and frightened. I shall do my best not to follow the path of over indulgence, etc, perhaps I will be spared your fate...

Debbie Cowens said...

Giffy - I'm saddened to hear that my tragic fate actually makes you want cookies. That was quite the reverse of my intention. They are delicious though, aren't they. Mmmmm, cookie... Om nom nom...

Jenni - Yes, flee! Save yourself while you still can...

Paul C said...

gluttonous smorgasbord of debauchery and irredeemable vices... I enjoy the fever pitch created in your climactic description and characterization.

Michele Emrath said...

No! You charlatan! You fake! I am too demoralized to continue following this blog.

Forever swindled,
Michele
SouthernCityMysteries

Debbie Cowens said...

Paul - Thanks!

Michelle - Yep, guilty as charged :-)

Karen said...

If I stop eating cookies, will I be able to stop shaving the blue fuzz off my top lip? Or is this a natural part of aging?

Debbie Cowens said...

I like the idea of developing muppety blue fuzz as a sign of aging (I bet it's the seldom mentioned eighth sign of aging that those fancy moisturisers aren't powerful enough to combat). The notion of stopping cookie eating if far too ghastly to contemplate. :-)